He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
