Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
