My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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