She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
