I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
