We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
