Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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