I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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