perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
