i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
