I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize