I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
