my mouth tastes like poor choices
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
