I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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