so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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