Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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