Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sorry about my life...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
