cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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