Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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