I think I died a long time ago.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So much rum. So many feels.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
