Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
