I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
