i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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