I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
