apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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