not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
