ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
