dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got inside last night via doggy door
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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