im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
