I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
