i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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