$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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