is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
