hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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