do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
