3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
