i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
