soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
