sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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