I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
