She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
