Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
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Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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