i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize