remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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