Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
