I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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