either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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