Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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