Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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