thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
