I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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