when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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