I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
