You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
false alarm, still single
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
