Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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