Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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