You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
