Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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