You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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