You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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