is your mom at the bar?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
