Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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