Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
